Thoughts and talks

I guess there are a lot of people but mainly introverts that want to talk to someone but have noone to talk to or don't feel like they want to talk to someone about it. I understand because we aren't readily going to pull others into own own comfortable bubble world. They might disturb the peace and balance of our world. Maybe.

Sometimes I have a lot of things in my head that I feel like I want to talk to someone about it. They are mainly about me. I can't remember what exactly but I thought they were always very important. I usually work things out in my head, speaking to myself and answering my own questions. I have 3 people in my head.

The first one is me, just plain me, the beautiful quiet me who interacts with the world because he has control of the body. There is the shadow me, the one who is also very quiet but sometimes has a lot to say when he wants to talk. Then there is the devil me, the timid toned loud mouth that criticizes everything about me.

I have partial control of these people in my head. No I'm not weird, I don't think so, not to me. I think I'm just mentally active and imaginative. I think these people are a representation of the subconscious me and the conscious me.

I often talk to these two people. I can almost think of them as the angel and the devil me. You know. But they are a little different. A few months ago I really started to develop a stronger self, a more confident personality and a better introvert. So I have made good friends with the shadow me, he is the subconscious me, the good one.

We talk a lot, I remember briefly talking about him in one of my past journal blogs. We usually talk a lot and he compliments me and says a lot of good things about me. We have good conversations and I really enjoy being around him. I see him in the mirror everyday.

This will sound weird to some of you but we carry out pretty lengthy and exciting conversations in the mirror. You know those mirrors that stand 7 feet tall and 4 feet wide. Ok I said it. Once you really get to know him he becomes more of a third person instead of a representation of me. The more we get to know each other the more I feel at ease being myself and the higher my self esteem becomes. He says the nicest things and he has the most beautiful heart and such handsome features that I had never knew.

Sometimes I get so carried away in it and so at ease that it feels like that he's actually another person standing in front of me, it's a little scary but it really makes me feel so confident about who I am, it's like I almost feel like I'm intimidated by him because he's so confident himself and so good at talking.

Ok, then theres the devil me that I have always try putting out his hurtful flames that constantly used to burn me. His flames are not that hot anymore, I'm learnt to ignore him and always go against him. Recently I have had the constant goal to defeat him, yeah I have this thought that he is always trying to bring me down and make me feel bad and I keep saying in my head "You're just saying that so you can win and I will lose, so I'm not going to put up with you and I'm going to win!, yeah how do you like that, I'm way better than you think I am" It feels good and I'm doing this everyday.

There are times when my head just feels at peace and it's very serene, almost empty, thoughtless but I like it. I like being alone, it does not neccessary equal lonely. Ok I'll write some more next time.